12 truths about love, sex and lust

12 truths about love, sex and lust 

Women are turned on by strong, silent types. Men think about sex every seven seconds. Women go for alpha males, but men avoid successful women. So we're told, at any rate -but is it true? Is love dictated purely by biology, or can we still believe in the magic of romance? We sort the science from the cliches.

Gentlemen prefer blondes

FALSE 

Last month, researchers from the University of Westminster sent a woman to three different nightclubs with her hair dyed brunette, blonde and red, and recorded how many men approached her, and how they rated pictures of her. The study found that although the "blonde" received far more offers on the dance floor, the "brunette" was rated higher for perceived attractiveness and intelligence.
Does this tell us anything? In most societies, blondes are much rarer than brunettes (more than 90 per cent of us have dark hair), so it may simply be that in a dark, noisy environment, blondes stand out. In fact, most evidence shows that men's preference is swayed more by fashion than biology. In the Sixties, brunettes took over as the epitome of beauty when Jackie Kennedy supplanted Marilyn Monroe. In the Eighties, blondes reasserted themselves - the Diana effect


Women prefer gloomy men

TRUE

Ever wondered why the life and soul of the party usually goes home alone? It's because women prefer men who glower rather than smile, according to Canadian scientists. They showed about 1,000 men and women several hundred pictures of both sexes in various states of cheerfulness, and asked them to rate them in terms of their "gut feelings" of lust and desire. "Men who smile," says Professor Jessica Tracy, "were considered fairly unattractive by women." Psychologists believe that what attracts women is not so much gloominess but pride - a puffed-out chest, a jutting chin, a look of steely determination and mild aggression. Men, however, prefer women who looked happy, and are least attracted to those who seem proud and confident.


Smell matters

TRUE

In Swedish folklore, to capture someone's love, you should carry an apple in your armpit for a day then give it to your intended. There could be a grain of truth here: "We humans have very smelly armpit regions capable of producing molecules that it is difficult to see the function of, other than sexual signalling," says Dr Peter Brennan, an expert in olfactory processing at Bristol University. A 1998 study from the University of New Mexico also showed that during their fertile periods, women prefer the smell of "symmetrical" men.

Men think about sex more than women


TRUE

All studies show that men are more likely to think about sex, and have relations with more partners - probably because in evolutionary terms, the prospect of pregnancy and motherhood meant that women needed to think carefully about potential partners. That said, the old idea that men think about sex every seven seconds has been comprehensively disproved. Recent research by scientists at Ohio University found that on average, young men think about sex every 40 minutes (about as much as food); for young women, the average is 90 minutes.


Symmetry is a turn-on


TRUE


Well, up to a point. Back in 1991, Swedish zoologists noticed a correlation between the attractiveness of male barn owls to females and the symmetry of their feathers. On the whole, humans follow suit: it's thought that symmetry is a marker for genetic "fitness", since an asymmetric appearance in animals is associated with a higher level of mutation. Symmetry also acts as a marker for "averageness", another highly attractive feature. One study, carried out by the appropriately named biologist Randy Thornhill, suggests that women even have more orgasms when their partner's features are symmetrical.


Women prefer tall, 'masculine' men


TRUE

What makes a desirable man? Tastes vary - except when it comes to height. Studies show that across every society, women prefer men who are taller than the average (or just taller than they are). On the other hand, smaller women are more attractive to men. Whether this preference is cultural or genetic is unclear. But ideals of male beauty are in many ways the precise opposite of the female kind. Lots of surveys indicate that a prominent brow, a strong jaw and a strong chin are all seen as highly desirable by women, although more "feminine" looks (indicating lower testosterone levels) are preferred by those seeking a long-term partner rather than a short sexual fling.


Opposites attract


FALSE

It is a long-cherished myth that true love often strikes those with wildly different backgrounds, temperaments or interests. But when choosing a partner, most of us are programmed to go with what we know. Research at Cornell University on 1,000 volunteers found that people look for potential mates who are "in their league" - equal in intelligence, looks and status. "We are attracted to people who like us," says Dr Robin Gilmour, a social psychologist at Lancaster University. And that usually means people who are like us.


Love is all down to hormones (and other chemicals)


TRUE

Love, say scientists, comes in three stages: the initial buzz of desire, followed by a deeper bond of attraction, and finally the warmth of attachment. All three are closely determined by our hormones. For unbridled lust, we have to thank the hormonal sexual sledgehammers testosterone (in both sexes) and oestrogen. The deepening bond of attraction is down to rising levels of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, all of which make us feel calm and reduce anxiety. And attachment? The "cuddle hormone", oxytocin, and another called vasopressin seem to have the effect of increasing trust and encouraging bonding.


Men are turned off by successful women

FALSE

The rise of the alpha female is one of the most striking features of modern society. A century ago, intelligent and capable women were frustrated by laws and conventions that kept them out of the professions, and were not even seen as desirable mates. Now, such women are succeeding sexually as well as professionally. Fifty years ago, male surgeons married nurses; now they are as likely to marry other doctors. This effect is seen most strongly in IT and engineering, which until recently were strongly male-dominated. In Silicon Valley, the influx of women has led to a proliferation of high-flying techno-families.


Women are choosier

TRUE

The growth of speed dating has been a boon to psychologists, since it offers the chance to gather huge amounts of data in almost laboratory-like conditions. And every study has found the same thing: men, given the chance, will assess their potential mates just as closely as the women. A study in 2004 found that both sexes make a decision within three seconds of seeing their potential partner, based almost entirely on looks. As might be expected, females are looking for tall, fit-looking men who can make them laugh and project a degree of material success. Males look for ideal waist-hip ratios, wide eyes, youthful, feminine faces, and clear, healthy skin. The difference is that most women hold out for something approaching their ideal, whereas men happily throw out their wishlist and make offers anyway - on average, between five and 10 times as many per speed-dating session.


Familiarity breeds contempt

FALSE

Most assume that romance cannot survive decades of quotidian familiarity. But three years ago, researchers at Rutgers University in the US found that the brain activity of people in very long-term, reportedly happy relationships (more than 20 years together) was identical to those who had just fallen in love. Specifically, activity in the ventral tegmental area, a group of neurons that are key to intense emotion, was almost identical. There were interesting differences, though; while the euphoria remained, activity associated with obsession and anxiety was replaced by feelings of calm.


It's good to talk

PARTLY TRUE
In 2004, John Gottman, a clinical psychologist at the University of Washington, caused a stir when he unveiled a mathematical formula said to predict with 94 per cent accuracy whether a couple would be together four years later. According to Gottman, one important factor - more important than being madly in love, or your genetic profile - is how you have arguments (rather than how often). If strongly negative comments, sarcasm and contempt emerge more than sparingly, the relationship is almost certainly doomed.